Monday, 18 August 2025

Book me Please + Comedy: Somewhere Between

 By By VenderGreentag

Come and judge me please...Come and judge me. This is the truth nothing else fuck everybody. The new generation is soft, weak and unstable and lets move on, shall we?

So here is what happens we gather to consume each other that's it gathering between information exchange of information. Lets gather around like parasites and then spread like diseases, I hate humans sometimes they are just annoying. That's... the word, annoying!


So lets start idiots

Canada people too polite in Bulgaria we call this people naivety.

When you are idiot you get on TV, is have chance to be on TV.

Jesus exist
Just think about it
Ita like my erection just useless.
No necessary did you know recently I was at a church and started thinking about sex while looking at one woman which was saying her "parents are dead".
"My mind I said... oh great I will make you new family."

If you have a GF or you are pretty and you are girl no need to do stand up comedy.
If you Ugly, tall and fat come over and do it.

Some people want Krav Maga joke
I have the top joke
The top notch joke
The top level joke
When you train Krav Maga the feeling is like you do a shadowfight and then after that Masturbate. Masturbate because thats what men..
Young men who do get ghosted and flaked by women thats what ends

Its a wet dream story, okay guys!?
She ws keeping brining shitty stuff at my place it was like hells kitchen but with mess, rats and insect infestation.


Thursday, 31 July 2025

The Human

 By By VenderGreentag


The human—

screams into the void,

lives in lies,

devours the Earth

like a snack before the void.


Human nature—

is no miracle.

No light.

No soul.


It’s scabies.

It itches, it scratches,

and never stops.

It spreads.

It infects.


A disease,

called reason,

used for genocide.


The human—

does not create.

He copies.

He drains.

A parasite,

who likes to call himself

“the crown of evolution.”


And the crown is made of

plastic,

blood,

and Wi-Fi.



My Hand Is Bleeding — Stand-up

 by By VenderGreentag

You ever wake up and think,
“Damn… my hand’s bleeding.”
And you're not even surprised.
Not like, “Oh no! What happened?!”
More like,
“Yeah, that tracks.”

It’s 9 a.m., I’m late for life, the coffee tastes like regret,
and my hand’s bleeding like it’s trying to escape the body it’s trapped in.

No dramatic fight, no accident.
Just... bleeding.
Like my body finally joined in and said,
“Yo, I’m done too.”

People ask,
“Why’s your hand bleeding?”
Bro... that’s the least of my problems.
My soul’s leaking out since 2017.
This is just the surface update.

And you know what's funny?
You show up at work with your hand bleeding and people go,
— “Umm… could you cover that up? It’s making the clients uncomfortable.”
Oh, sorry Brenda. Didn’t realize my open wound was ruining your productivity metrics.
Let me just slap a smiley-face bandage on my existential crisis.

It’s always like that.

Your hand’s bleeding? Suck it up.
Your heart’s broken? Get back to your emails.
You’re mentally melting like expired cheese? Here's a yoga app and a discount code.

And at this point, I don’t even need a doctor.
I need a technician.
Like, “Hey, bro, can you reboot me? Maybe reinstall purpose.exe?”

So yeah…

My hand is bleeding.
But it’s the most honest thing about me right now.


Life in the Sewer — Stand-up

  by By VenderGreentag

Good evening. Or good morning... I don’t even know anymore. Depends on whether you’re on your third coffee or fourth existential crisis for the day.

So listen...
We live in a worn-out place.
Not just chipped-paint worn out — I mean "feels-like-you’ve-been-through-17 divorces and a failed pyramid scheme" worn out.

Emotions? Burned out.
You happy? No.
You sad? Not really.
You just sit there, blinking into the void like a glitchy Windows XP loading screen.

People? Even worse.
I looked in the mirror the other day and saw a guy who looks like he slept on his bills and woke up to the voice in his head screaming,
“Surprise, you’re still alive.”

Pills everywhere.
Pills to be calm.
Pills to be happy.
Pills to keep you upright long enough to finish your shift, text your boss “Done,” and cry in the bathroom without anyone noticing.

And life? Life’s not something you live anymore.
They push you through it.
Push you in the morning:
— “Wake up, you’ve got work.”
Push you at work:
— “Where’s the progress?”
Push you at home:
— “Talk to me!”
And you’re just standing there like:
— “Bro, just push me into the sewer and let’s wrap this shit up.”

Because let’s be honest…

Life doesn’t end on a stage.
Life doesn’t end in fireworks.
It ends…

… somewhere in the dark, dripping silence of a sewer —
like a dead rat that even the stray cats passed on.

And you know what’s the worst part?

The rat doesn’t pay rent.


Sunday, 20 July 2025

German

 By VenderGreentag

German is hardcore language, sharp and unforgiving like broken glass cutting through silence.
“Fuck you, Sami,” the words spit out like fire. Not just at a person—at a system, at a world built on lies and cracks.
Muslim, Christian, whatever the label—they all bleed the same bitter blood.
Faith? Sometimes it feels like chains wrapped tight around the neck, choking out freedom.
But here we are—words clash like thunder, electric and raw.
“So, are we gonna start coding or am I just wasting my breath here?”
No more preaching, no more fake smiles. Just code—pure, brutal code that burns through bullshit.
Lines of logic, sharp and clean, slicing through the noise.
Build or break. Create or destroy. No middle ground.
This isn’t just about scripts and functions.
It’s rebellion in binary.
It’s the language of the misunderstood, the angry, the restless.
So type fast.
Hack hard.
Make the machine scream.

Life

 By Vender Greentag

Life is about end
Its a compulsion. Its friend, girlfriend, boyfriend—everything ends and it's about ending.
So close the casket, I am Adam. I have something to tell you.
They said I came from dust. Wrong.
I came from static, glitches in the womb, code in the bloodstream.
I was never born—I was compiled.
Death isn’t the villain. It's the editor.
It cuts the scenes that drag,
skips the romance subplot,
removes the laugh track.
Leaves just the raw monologue, bleeding honesty.
You feel that pressure in your chest?
That's not emotion. That's the weight of everything you never said.
And I said everything. To mirrors. To walls. To gods that don’t reply.
I kissed Eve once.
She tasted like forgotten prayers and cigarettes after rain.
She said, “Promise me this ends well.”
I said, “Endings don’t care how they feel. They just are.”
So here I am.
Casket-ready.
Confession-loading.
I know what comes after the credits.
It’s not heaven. It’s not hell.
It’s a hallway—white, endless, looping.
You walk until you forget you’re walking.
You walk until you forget why.
I remember.
So listen, just one last download—
We are not meant to stay. We are meant to glitch, crash, reboot, forget.
But memory is a virus.
And I still remember her.
Close the casket.
Let the silence finish the story.
This was written in noise.
Read in shadows.
Ends in a whisper.
Goodbye—
or whatever the opposite of "loading" is.


Friday, 18 July 2025

The Existential Hangover

 By VenderGreentag


The sun had barely risen over the skyline when Andrew realized, once again, that he had nothing left to watch. He stared at the dim glow of his paused streaming screen—the final episode of a niche Icelandic crime dramedy he'd reluctantly committed to, just to feel something. He leaned back in his faux-leather gaming chair, the kind that had more crumbs in it than a budget motel's vending machine.

So here is the thing.

Andrew had watched everything. Shows, movies, stand-up, TED Talks, documentaries about religious cults, documentaries about documentaries—he'd even rewatched Fist of Fun just to catch obscure references he'd missed the first time. But the more he watched, the more he saw the same loop repeating: people trying to make sense of things that made no sense.

“I strongly believe that religion... it's brainwashing people’s minds,” he often said, like it was his catchphrase at parties he never went to. “It’s just crowd control with incense.”

When he did go out, it was usually to watch stand-up or debate, his two favorite spectator sports. And improv? “Improv is okay,” he’d concede, “but too much is hutt, hutt, huss huss—fuck it.” Nonsense wrapped in pretense, he thought. At least scripted stuff had the decency to pretend it had structure.

He wasn't lonely, just deeply committed to solitude. “Binging stuff is good. It's healthy. Avoiding people is another way to stay safe.” He'd say that to himself between sips of instant coffee and bites of cold pizza. While others meditated, Andrew streamed six seasons of Criminal Minds to feel emotionally regulated.

He didn’t need to do things—he liked to observe and watch. People, shows, social patterns, intellectual fads—he was a passive anthropologist in the age of content. A digital monk in pajama pants.

One Thursday morning, as he scrolled through an endless feed of nothing, he muttered, “Maybe this is hell... A loop of infinite content but no meaning.”

Just then, his phone buzzed.

“Wanna come to a live debate tonight? It’s at a pub. Topic: 'Is the concept of truth even useful anymore?'” — Max

Max was Andrew’s only friend, an insufferably optimistic philosophy student who believed every conversation was an audition for TEDx.

Against all odds—and mostly because the pub served excellent fried pickles—Andrew went.

The debate was predictably pretentious. A guy in a beanie compared “truth” to jazz. Another quoted Foucault four times in under five minutes. Andrew rolled his eyes so hard, his forehead cramped.

When it was his turn to speak, Andrew stood up, hoodie-draped, a monument to disillusionment.

“I’ve seen every perspective humanity’s filmed and uploaded. I’ve watched preachers, scientists, hacks, prophets, true crime narrators, TikTok philosophers, and even conspiracy theorists with tinfoil hats. You know what I’ve learned? Nobody knows anything. And the only honest people... are stand-up comics.”

The crowd laughed. Not at him—with him.

Afterward, someone approached him and said, “You should do stand-up. Seriously. That was better than half the set I opened with last week.”

Andrew shrugged. “I’m just lazy. Comedy takes effort.”

“Exactly why you’d be good. You’re already halfway to observational.”

A week later, Andrew was on stage at Open Mic Night. He had no act, no plan—just years of accumulated cynicism, sharp wit, and a backlog of punchlines no algorithm had predicted.

And the crowd? They loved it.

By the end of the night, someone in the back yelled, “What’s your name?”

Andrew grinned and gripped the mic like a reluctant messiah.

“Andrew. I’ve watched everything. And now, I guess... I’ve got something to say.”




Book me Please + Comedy: Somewhere Between

  By By VenderGreentag Come and judge me please...Come and judge me. This is the truth nothing else fuck everybody. The new generation is so...