Comedy: Sum Up (2)

 By VeNgeR GrEenTag

1.
Shakespeare walks into a bar...
The bartender says, "To be or not to be, that is the question."
Shakespeare replies, "Nah, just get me a drink, you idiot."
2.
A heckler walks into a comedy club...
The comedian says, “Shut up, rat-face! I’m about to roast you harder than your grandma's cookies."
3.
An existentialist and a TikTok star walk into a bar...
The existentialist says, “I’m questioning everything.”
The TikTok star says, “I’m questioning my last five videos' views."
4.
Why did the AI break up with its partner?
It couldn’t deal with all the ads in the relationship. They just weren’t compatible.
5.
How do you kill time in 2025?
You stare at your phone, scroll through TikTok, and hope your soul isn't in a decline.
6.
Why did the rat start a podcast?
Because even rodents need a platform to complain about the future and AI ads.
7.
What do you call a motivational speaker who hates everyone?
A “Shut-the-hell-up guru.” Their first rule: Don’t ever repeat yourself.
8.
I asked a guy for a blowjob...
He said, "What am I, a genie? I grant wishes, not favors."
9.
A coffin, a rat, and a coffin-maker walk into a bar...
The bartender says, “You guys need a drink or a burial plot?"
10.
Why did the bell ring?
Because it was tired of being stuck in a metaphor for existential doom.
11.
Why did the AI go to therapy?
It had too many bugs in its system and couldn't process human emotions.
12.
If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it...
Is it really the future, or just a bunch of AI-controlled noise?
13.
What’s worse than a TikTok trend?
A TikTok trend that gets banned... because now you’re left with nothing but ads and regret.
14.
How do you know you’re in the future?
You get an ad telling you that your brain is fried and that AI has already taken over your thoughts.
15.
Why don’t rats go to comedy shows?
Because they’ve heard it all before—nothing makes sense in a world controlled by AI.
16.
A guy walks into a store...
And the cashier says, “You want to try our newest product? It’s called 'Shut the hell up.' It’s 50% off today.”
17.
I tried to make a joke about my socks...
But it got lost in the laundry basket of existential thoughts.
18.
Why did the future look so bleak?
Because every corner was filled with ads and bad TikTok trends.
19.
Why don't existentialists play chess?
Because they can’t decide if the king really matters or if it's just all a waste of time.
20.
A walking paraplegic, a moron, and a bell walk into a bar...
The bartender says, “Okay, now this is just getting absurd.”
21.
Why did the rat wear a tuxedo?
Because it’s a classy rodent, and the world’s going to hell, so why not look sharp?
22.
Why do people ask for blowjobs and get disappointed?
Because it’s 2025, and apparently, expectations have been fried just like the air.
23.
Why did the coffin start a podcast?
Because it was tired of the same old “six feet under” jokes. It needed a change.
24.
Why did the man yell at his TikTok?
Because his AI assistant kept giving him ads about future dental work he didn’t need.
25.
What do you call an ad for a walking paraplegic?
A metaphor for our collective future: stalled, confused, and filled with unskippable ads.

Comedy: Sum Up (1)

  By VeNgeR GrEenTag

• "Shakespeare? Nah, dude. To be or not to be? More like, to die or not to die. And trust me, buddy, this guy’s as gay as the rainbow on a pride parade."
• "You ever see a heckler? Shut 'em up like this: 'Shut your rat-faced mouth, before I use you as a human paperweight.'"
• "If you’re thinking about having kids, just use a gun as your pillow. Trust me, it’s a good idea... for everyone involved."
• "You repeat yourself again? Here's my response: Die. It’s a good rhyme and the game is still strong."
• "Sometimes people go outside and make noise. Pro tip: Shut up, put a cracker in your mouth, and enjoy the silence."
• "I once met a guy who thought his opinion mattered. Wanker couldn’t even spell 'idiot' right."
• "You ever look at a parrot and think, 'That bird’s smarter than half the people I know'? Yeah, me neither."
• "You ever been roasted so hard, you can’t even tell if it’s a joke or a lawsuit?"
• "I was walking around the block when some idiot tried to sell me a bell for my balls. Said it was the latest trend in 'bells gone wrong.'"
• "Comedy’s supposed to cheer you up. But right now, I’m just trying not to gouge my own eyes out with a spoon. It's like the future—AI-powered and ad-infested."
• "You want me to do a TikTok dance? How about I do the 'Shut the hell up' dance instead?"
• "So, there’s this new tech thing called 'AI.' Yeah, AI's like the future if the future came with a bunch of ads that ruin your day."
• "People out here talking about gender studies. Meanwhile, I’m just over here trying to understand why I keep losing my socks."
• "The future is bright... except it's powered by air that's as fried as my last brain cell after watching a five-hour TikTok marathon."
• "Tried to make a joke, but the only thing that landed was my existential crisis. So, here’s a fun one: Kill a rat. No, not literally—just metaphorically, for your sanity."

Tag 1: Absurdity & Dark Humor
• "Shakespeare? Nah, dude. To be or not to be? More like, to die or not to die. And trust me, buddy, this guy’s as gay as the rainbow on a pride parade."
• "You ever see a heckler? Shut 'em up like this: 'Shut your rat-faced mouth, before I use you as a human paperweight.'"
• "If you’re thinking about having kids, just use a gun as your pillow. Trust me, it’s a good idea... for everyone involved."
• "You repeat yourself again? Here's my response: Die. It’s a good rhyme and the game is still strong."
• "I once met a guy who thought his opinion mattered. Wanker couldn’t even spell 'idiot' right."
• "You ever look at a parrot and think, 'That bird’s smarter than half the people I know'? Yeah, me neither."
• "I was walking around the block when some idiot tried to sell me a bell for my balls. Said it was the latest trend in 'bells gone wrong.'"
• "Tried to make a joke, but the only thing that landed was my existential crisis. So, here’s a fun one: Kill a rat. No, not literally—just metaphorically, for your sanity."
Tag 2: Technology & Future
• "Sometimes people go outside and make noise. Pro tip: Shut up, put a cracker in your mouth, and enjoy the silence."
• "Comedy’s supposed to cheer you up. But right now, I’m just trying not to gouge my own eyes out with a spoon. It's like the future—AI-powered and ad-infested."
• "You want me to do a TikTok dance? How about I do the 'Shut the hell up' dance instead?"
• "So, there’s this new tech thing called 'AI.' Yeah, AI's like the future if the future came with a bunch of ads that ruin your day."
• "The future is bright... except it's powered by air that's as fried as my last brain cell after watching a five-hour TikTok marathon."
Tag 3: Social Commentary & Exaggeration
• "You ever been roasted so hard, you can’t even tell if it’s a joke or a lawsuit?"
• "People out here talking about gender studies. Meanwhile, I’m just over here trying to understand why I keep losing my socks."
• "Shut the hell up about your opinion, or I’ll make a meme about your face. That’s how far we’ve fallen as a society."
• "Air fried, fried air, it doesn’t matter—everything’s going to hell. Just add a little more irony, and we’re set."
• "I’m just saying, the president might be the problem, but a rat probably deserves to die first."